The Almost Empty Nester: Daily Dragon Slaying

Monday, March 23, 2015

Daily Dragon Slaying

About thirteen years ago I started suffering from panic attacks. My counselor called it situational anxiety. Seeing as how within a ten month period of time I had given birth to twins (with a 2 year old already), we moved away from the city I called home to a place where we knew no one for Hubby to take a new job, and 9/11 happened, I agreed it was a fair assessment of why I was anxious. 

Over the years and through much wise and Godly counsel, I've been able to keep my anxiety pretty well under control. I don't have panic attacks very often and when I do, I can sense then coming and can usually cut them off at the pass. 

My reason for telling you this is that I am currently flying from one coast to the other for the boys' 8th grade DC trip. These kinds of events I absolutely eat up as a mom. This is my thing. It's what I do. I'm field trip mom and this is the World Series of field trips. 

And as much as I love to travel, I get very anxious before I do. We left at 1:30 a.m. this morning to take a bus two hours to the airport where we then take two planes and another bus to get to our destination. (Yes, it's as loony as it sounds.)

I tried to sleep last night from 8:30-11:30. But as I lay there staring at the ceiling, willing myself to rest, my mind started to spin its familiar web of fear and worry. What if something goes wrong with the plane or the buses? What if someone gets hurt? What if something happens to Girly and I can't get home? Or Hubby? What if something happens to him and Girly is handling it alone? What if? What if? What if? I play that game a lot when I write a novel. It's not as fun a game played in the dark while alone with my fears.

So I laid there and I prayed. And I cried. I just told Jesus that I'm so stinking tired of being afraid. I'm exhausted quite frankly. I have way more good days than bad but the bad ones really suck. 

And He did what He always does. He held me and reminded me He's got me. He always has and always will. And He brought me back to where I need to be: confident that because of Him, I can wake up every day and slay the dragon of fear. It will never, ever win. Even when it creeps in and tries to breathe down my neck, if I hold Jesus' hand with my left I can wield a mean sword with my right.

You see, I come from a line of adventurers. And I do truly love a good adventure, just like the one I'm on with my boys this week. And that last thing I want is to let fear keep me from that or have my boys see me stay behind because I'm afraid. 

So I'm off. There's much to be seen and done. Memories to be made. Moments with my boys to hide deep in my Mama heart. 

I'll keep you posted...

God is my refuge and strength: Therefore I will not fear...
Psalm 46:1-2

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